I don’t usually talk about stuff like this, but I’ve discovered an insidious conspiracy of silence about a chemical called dihydrogen monoxide.
Few know that we are all exposed to it every day.
It is in nearly all the food you eat, and even in your drinks. Daily, your children consume it. I’ve even seen kiddies swim in it because of government regulations that allow it in our pools.
In fact, the Obama administration provides funding to produce vast quantities of the stuff, even though literally millions have died from it.
It is, without a doubt, crony capitalism at its worse – funded and directed by the federal government with taxpayer money.
And yes, the conspiracy includes Republicans – even Ron Paul is in on it, so you know it runs “deep”.
Yet no alarm is sounded.
Dihydrogen monoxide also has caused incalculable property damage throughout the world as it’s escaped uncontrolled onto people’s property. Whole towns have been destroyed.
Despite this, it is largely unregulated as bureaucrats bow to financial pressure and refuse to set exposure restrictions.
It is truly a scandal – and conspiracy – of epic proportions.
I often feel like a voice crying in the desert. Yet the desert is about the only place you are safe from dihydrogen monoxide.
Some doubt the seriousness of this. They think it’s all a hoax.
But that only proves the existence of a vast conspiracy to brainwash us into complacency.
Something must be done.
And one more thing. The stuff is addictive and life controlling.
Many people can’t go a day without taking it straight up. In fact, I see folks openly walking around with it, slugging it down in plain view.
Seriously. It is all a government conspiracy to enslave us as big business legally supplies and satisfies the cravings of DHMO addicts – all the while earning obscene, ill-gotten profits.
Fortunately, there is hope. Admitting you have a problem is the first step to recovery, according to the Big Book of DHMO Anonymous. But few are willing to do so.
Some try to make this insidious chemical sound nice and familiar with its more comforting common names, like water, aqua, and the like.
Yet millions continue to die.
This is serious, folks.
Now here’s what’s truly frightening (hey, I have to make this somehow relevant to my vast audience of regular readers who have come to expect certain things from this blog, so bear with me):
[In hushed tone...]
I have it on good authority that Frank Viola, Milt Rodriquez, Jon Zens and other “Beyond” Christian authors and their proteges – like blogger Jamal Jivanjee – are habitual users.
[Back to normal, moral outrage tone...]
It’s true. DHMO junkies, each and every one! They try to obscure their heresy with fancy-sounding theological slogans like “living water” – but I know the true meaning of their ambiguous phrases!
Yes folks. There you have it. The naked, unvarnished truth.
Where, oh where, is the moral outrage?
Where are the voices of discernment?
How long will we allow this conspiracy to continue?
(Make that a double )