Beyond Scripture? (Part 2)

Jesus Loves Me

(An existential version of that favorite childhood song.
I encourage you to have some fun by singing along as you read it.)

Jesus loves me, this I know,
Postmodern grace has made it so.
With His Spirit in my heart,
External truth now has no part.

Chorus:

Did Jesus tell me?
Oh, how can I know?
I feel Jesus told me,
I hope that makes it so.

Additional Verses:

The Bible says that I must go,
Proclaim His Word – oh no no no!
Now existential I’ve become,
‘Cause His commands just leave me numb

My sense of Jesus is true light,
I do not worry what is right.
With my sensibilities,
I do not need moralities.

The Bible’s NOT the Word of God.
My own perceptions earn my nod!
The Jesus I have come to see,
Surprisingly looks just like me.

I only want the Living Word,
The Bible seems just too absurd.
Now I perceive reality,
The way I want it all to be.

Continue reading

Now, For Something Serious…

I don’t usually talk about stuff like this, but I’ve discovered an insidious conspiracy of silence about a chemical called dihydrogen monoxide.

Dihydrogen Monoxide is Everywhere!

Few know that we are all exposed to it every day.

It is in nearly all the food you eat, and even in your drinks. Daily, your children consume it. I’ve even seen kiddies swim in it because of government regulations that allow it in our pools.

In fact, the Obama administration provides funding to produce vast quantities of the stuff, even though literally millions have died from it.

It is, without a doubt, crony capitalism at its worse – funded and directed by the federal government with taxpayer money.

And yes, the conspiracy includes Republicans – even Ron Paul is in on it, so you know it runs “deep”.

Continue reading

Celebrating 100 Years of Twisting, Licking and Dunking

Celebrating 100 Years of Twisting, Licking and Dunking

Today is the 100th birthday for Oreo cookies.

I LOVE Oreo cookies! They are proof that God loves us and has a wonderful plan for our lives.

Enjoying an Oreo cookie also theologically demolishes all arguments one may muster in support of a pessimistic, doom and gloom eschatology. Ah, the joy! 

But enough theology …

The great thing about Oreos is that they single-handedly satisfy the FDA’s recommended daily requirements for three of the four essential food groups.

Those four essential food groups are sugar, lard, chocolate and caffeine. To achieve a balanced diet, though, I often have a mug of hot coffee with my Oreos.

I once made the mistake of mentioning our four American food groups to a friend from Canada. He seemed surprised, and said he thought the four major food groups in the U.S. were fast, fried, deep fried and refried.

I told him that was only true in the deep south. In Virginia, by God, we may be south of the Mason-Dixon line, but we’ve managed to hold onto some remnants of high culture!

I must confess, however, that strawberry “fig” newtons are my other weakness. At least they provide some pretense of being healthy (applying snobbish Canadian standards), since they contain fruit (that red goo is real fruit, right? – if not, don’t tell me and destroy my ignorant bliss).

Anyway, happy 100th birthday.

Now where did I put my box of Oreos …

Limousine Liberals

Limousine Liberals

Seat of Luxury

One afternoon a liberal congressman – well known for supporting expensive budget busting government programs to “help” the poor – was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass. Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop so he could investigate.

He rolled down his window and motioned to one of the men to come over. From the comfort of his richly-leathered seat, he asked, “Why are you eating grass?”

“We don’t have any money for food,” the poor man replied. “We have to eat grass.”

Continue reading

Good Christian Satire

I often get a chuckle from Lark News, and their latest spoof definitely rings all-to-true.

It reminds me of a very large (huge, in fact) evangelical church in town — where the pastor preaches his sermons on a vast stage each Sunday while a smoke machine bellows out measured amounts of awe and mystery in the background. For real!

It’s very good theater, plus the sermons aren’t half bad if you’re into that kind of thing.

Continue reading

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 1,099 other followers